Weaning

I have decided it is time to start weaning myself from Cymbalta.  I have dreaded this day but I need to do it.  I started out on 30mg.  Then I moved up to 60mg.  On bad days I would take 90mg even though my brother said it wasn't necessary I still felt that it helped.  I really believe that it is all in my head and I am just being lazy.  Taking a pill is much easier than dealing with reality.  And if I think a pill is helping me then it is.  

I do feel there are times that I do need it.  I am pretty sure I have SAD.  Every fall I get depressed.  I have been on Cymbalta now for 1 1/2 years!  That seems so long but I wanted to wait for Spring to come to the valley before I weaned myself.  I have been taking 30 mg for about 2 weeks now and I feel I can do it.  I am going to start listening to these cds on depression and anxiety and how to cope without meds.  

However, this morning I was catching up on blogs and just started crying.  I would take a deep breath and be fine and a couple minutes later I would start crying again.  What the heck!  I thought I was doing well.  My friend Kenzi made me feel better the other day when she told me it is normal to have ups AND downs.  Just because you feel down does not mean that you are depressed.  I guess I am expecting too much from myself.  I just wish I could be more level and even. 

I talk to people who do not understand depression and have never felt what I feel on a day to day basis.  This helps me realize that what I am feeling IS real and it is okay.  I am just trying to come to terms with it and see if I can control it better than hoping a pill is the only way.